I've had a tough week in more ways than one. It started out like any other week but then, out of the blue, I was met with a string of rejections, in my music, my writing, my art. They came in quick succession so that by hump day, Wednesday, I felt like the whole world was ganging up on me, conspiring to make me as miserable as possible. And it was working.
But here's the thing. I'm no stranger to the sting and pain of rejection. I've studied and written about it a lot on this blog. But despite my awareness of this phenomenon, even though I could explain what was happening, that I was merely experiencing something that everyone goes through, something painful albeit temporary, it still hurt.
It took a lot of introspection, a lot of venting about my feelings, and a bit of a rant to my wife, for me to realise and accept what was happening, that I was simply experiencing something typical of the human condition. With the benefit of hindsight, I think of this experience as a tug of war between the rational, thinking brain, and the emotional, feeling brain. For what it's worth, I'm not here to suggest that we have two brains in our heads, or that our brains are split into parts, one for thinking and one for feeling. No, I think of it more like one brain, with a comprehensive set of apparatus to handle and execute all the processes associated with cognition (thinking) and emotion (feeling). For simplicity, though, I'll refer to them as the rational or thinking brain, and the emotional or feeling brain. This terminology is prevalent among authors and scientists alike.
So there I was on Wednesday, feeling upset, irritable, and rejected. My rational brain knew exactly what was happening. It could identify the cognitive biases playing up in my mind, and even explain away my pain by reminding me that I'm evolutionarily predisposed to pay more attention and give more weight to negative stimuli and emotions. This goes back to a time when humans lived as part of small tribes and it was essential for a person to get along with members of the community lest they be cast out to the wilderness and left to fend off predators or deal with life-threatening climatic conditions. Getting along with others became a matter of life and death, and our ancestors that survived would have had to evolve to develop a colossal fear of being rejected or ostracised. But there was also the emotional apparatus in my brain that simply processed my feelings. There was little I could do but feel what I was feeling, and there was no getting past that. Because I'm human.
The week ended way better than it started. On Thursday I got a call out of the blue with an amazing opportunity. Just this one call erased the sting from the string of rejections I’d dealt with all week. That evening I went out and played a gig (that had been in my diary and I'd been looking forward to for a month). It was heartwarming to even have been invited to play this gig, but on the night the lovely people in the audience and the venue staff made it all the better. That’s not all. The gig was at a venue that held special meaning for me, because in that same venue, years ago, I played my first open mic in the city. Now, there I was, all those years later, and it made me appreciate my journey, the progress I’ve made, and how far I’ve come.
The next day, Friday, I played another gig thanks to the call I got on Thursday. The gig was everything I'd hoped for, and more. It was one of those that leaves you feeling good and fulfilled and warm and fuzzy inside. Again, the audience, the staff and the venue proprietors made me feel special, and I went home with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. In addition, right before the Friday gig, I got yet another email with some long-awaited good news, in my writing career this time around. Needless to say I ended the day on a high.
I'm writing this on Saturday morning, still smiling and elated from two lovely back-to-back gigs and good news on the writing front. The future is bright, and I'm as hopeful and as optimistic as can be. This might read like a happy ending, but the thing about life is that happy endings aren't always promised. It all depends on where you end the story. There'll be more rejection next week, of this I'm certain, because I'll keep putting myself out there, and that's what happens when you do – you win some and you lose some (more like win a few and lose many). But there'll also be good news, one can hope. There'll be more good days on the horizon, and bad ones too. Maybe even weeks, or months, or whole seasons. But that's okay, because life happens in seasons, and change is the only constant thing. Through it all, through the changes, the ups and downs, the good days and bad ones, all we can do is feel what we feel. Because to feel is human. And to not is…what? Divine? Inhuman? I don't know.
PS: Just a reminder that my latest single, Feels Like Rain is out now, everywhere. You can listen to it on several platforms. Please share it with a friend, share it with your social networks, and consider subscribing to the newsletter (below), my YouTube channel, or wherever else you listen to music.