Last week I wrote about how receiving the author copies of my new book in the mail filled me with mixed emotions. There was joy and excitement as I held the book in my hands for the first time, but also fear and uncertainty as I cast my mind forward to what would happen after the release date.
I’ve had more of the same feelings this week, except, it’s all starting to feel even more real. I shared the news with a photo of me holding the book on social media, and even though I received warm and lovely messages, I could still hear this dreadful voice in my head that kept distracting me from the present by reminding me of all the things that could go wrong. It took a while for me to figure out why this was the case, but the realisation came to me on a walk a few days ago.
I kept asking myself why I felt uneasy, why I didn’t feel good even as the publication date that I’d looked forward to for so long drew nearer, and the answer was shockingly simple. I realised that I’d been looking forward to this for so long, that I’d forgotten to live in the moment. If you’re at all familiar with my writing and my music, you’ll know how much emphasis I place on being in the now, relishing each day and each moment, and being present for the little and big things alike. And yet, I don’t always live by these values. Things happen, life gets in the way, I get bogged down by new pursuits and old dreams, and I find myself overthinking and planning for the future that I forget to live in the present.
But no more. This is a reminder, a note to self, to embrace the moment, to live for today. I mentioned earlier that this reminder came to me on a walk. What I didn’t say was that it came by way of the orange leaves on the trees and the ground. That morning I had just enough presence of mind to see that the trees I walk past every day had begun to change colour and shed their leaves as they do at this time of the year. Impressed as I was by the colours, I was also ashamed that it had taken me that long to notice the change and the beauty it created. This wouldn’t have been the case if I’d just devoted more of my attention to noticing my surroundings and experiencing life here and now.
Where does this leave me? The truth is I'm not sure. I do know that November 10 is right around the corner (5 days away if you're reading this on the day it goes out). I also know that as the publication date draws nearer, the future will continue to play on my mind, but that's okay. I can't always choose my thoughts, but I can choose to make a conscious effort to live in the moment, because, at the end of the day, that’s all life is, a collection of moments.
You can pre-order A Hollade Christmas here, and if you would like to read and review it before it officially comes out on November 10, please reach out.